29 March 2009

living in gratitude 39 : 55 hours to go (maybe..)

text: 77 hours

In the early hours of the morning, the country's clocks jumped an hour forward : daylight saving took place in France and no-one remembered this at the hospital...

text : 70 hours - the rage

Consequence is that the machine treating me with radiation, which is being switched on by a computer every hour, flipped out when the clocks jumped forward an hour at 2am this morning... and stopped...

I woke up at 6 this morning saying to the nurse how well I had slept! And she replied with a bit of a face... " you slept well because the machine wasn't on ..." It took a few hours for the technician to get out of bed, get to Institut Marie Curie and fix the machine... it was up and running by 9am.


But this means that I have to add an extra 7 hours to the treatment and now means that I won't be off the machine now until Wednesday early morning... A few tears were shed out of that feeling when I thought I could see the finish line, then it got moved that much further... and there is that whole mind set having to abandon the expectation that I'll be off the machine when I thought etc etc...

text: the rage the rage the rage - 69 hours

It's become somewhat comical how much more surrendering to this process I am having to go through...

Physically my body is starting to react to the morphine - heavy and cotton filled head + nausea... so it's all very trying...

Drawing remains my favourite form of expression when I am having difficulty (and during the radiation I am listening to the sound therapy machine and feeling it's beautiful vibrations on my heart).


Anonymous said...

Darling - How frustrating for you. 7 hours extra must feel like a terrible burden. But... 7 is an amazing number in numerology:
The number 7 is symbolic of the transition to an entirely new level of existence.
The number 7 is extremely spiritual number and rules almost everything of great spiritual importance.
The number 7 radiates a strong spiritual light.
Under the influence of the number 7 the material reality is often subtly changed and transformed in such way that it starts to glow itself with some spiritual light.
Take heart darling you are doing important helaing work.
Z x

Mlle La Revolution des Cache-Pots said...

Dearest dearest Nat, Hang in there, you are doing so so well and you will come out at the other end Well and Healed and Transformed and Calm.
The worst situations in life can teach us so much that helps us right when we need it, even though it's not the way we'd probably like to learn those things.
I admire you so much and what you have achieved, and what you are achieving is really incredible...and to be so blessed with your amazing nurse, wow!
Sending you more love and light and perfectly formed breaths of fresh Tasmanian air for your healing body, Love Tara xxxxxxxx

Kym said...

Maybe you are still hanging onto to something in the way of your complete healing - remember, life keeps giving us the same lesson over and over again until we get the message...keep being brave (even though you prob. don't feel like you are)...sending lots of love wrapped in an indigo blanket xxxx