12 March 2009

living in gratitude 25: radiotherapy coming up

The news of the reduced size of the tumor has brought to so many people joy! Hearing their joy doubles my joy each time! And it has also really helped me in this journey. Talk about the power of communicating a wish for prayer and support + getting an extraordinary result...

This has really shown me the power of thought, prayer and faith in the most material manner I have ever, ever experienced. On another level, this has been a total journey of surrender: doing all I can within the situation (taking REALLY good care of myself, asking for what feels right for me) and totally surrendering the outcome. On another level, I don't feel I have done much except focus and wait...

Today I had my meeting with the radiotherapist at Institut Marie Curie and she was looking at the results, it was really quite amusing to see her look at the paper in front of her.

Radiotherapist: "Your tumor is quite small."

Me: "Yes! Isn't that good news."

Radiotherapist: "Were you examined before coming here?"

Me: "Yes both in Australia and in New York by a leading Gyno-oncologist."

Radiotherapist: "But did they EXAMINE you?"

Me: "Yes."

Radiotherapist: "How?"

Me: "Opened my legs, they put a big speculum to open my vagina...you know..."

Radiotherapist: "But I don't understand how it is so small now."

I smiled. I thought "hi hi hi....do I tell her that I have had LOADS of people around the world praying for me; wrapping me up in a mango blanket of love; sending thoughts? Do I tell her about the spiritual teacher in South India taking close care of me?"
No... I'll just keep going on with the protocol of this meeting. I am not sure if she'd really get it...(Now I think that on Monday I WILL tell her...)

The meeting continued, another picture of my girlie insides with NOW a much smaller tumor being penned onto the cervix by the doctor... "your tumor is small, it only takes up this part of the cervix... "

Hi, hi, hi... I thought...

She continued to tell me about the radical hysterectomy (not fun stuff but I now feel, but I can only take one step at a time), losing my ovaries (as they will be radio-activated to smithereens), going into early menopause... having hormone supplements for that... I'll still be able to have a sexual life after all this is over (the idea of love-making or even a desire of the idea is the last thing I have on my mind right now... )

Then news came that a woman had cancelled her treatment for next week and if I wanted to, I could start next Monday.

"YES!" I jumped up to the edge of my chair, like an excited child in the classroom. "Let's begin as soon as possible !"

The Doctor was surprised by my enthusiasm.
It doesn't sound like much fun :

Monday - Admission to Marie Curie Institute. Fasting all afternoon and evening.
Tuesday - General Aneasthetic/ op to insert the apparatus up the vagina (yep that is where it goes...) Then in the evening, I get wheeled into my private room where (now get this....)

for 5 days :
Tues night
Sun night

I get radio-therapy direct on the tumor every hour for 25 minutes....

I will be lying down for all that time... and won't be able to get up, nor lie on my side, nor on my stomach, nor sit up (I can sit up 45 degrees).... cripes... this sounds like the most intensive retreat I have ever been on...

Mmmm... I will have access to internet, a phone, and a DVD player, I'll also have music, books, and my relaxation machine.... will be an interesting process... so that is where you have it...

So, girls, women, if you haven't had your PAP smear yet... I hope this sort of info is encouraging you to do so and to talk to your friends to get that PAP smear done.... and to send those prayers / loving thoughts/ mango coloured blankets of love to those who are in need and going through their own tough times.

on the way to Institut Marie Curie in the car today:
smiling person in car is Sushumna, my 74 year old friend, who is taking care of me while I focus on getting better.
Sushumna is originally from San Francisco and now lives full time in South India.
(My ear is in bottom right of frame)


Anonymous said...

It's not often I read a blog and YELL OUT LOUD - but your description of your encounter with the Radiotherapist just made me do it! Yasmin xo

Anonymous said...

I jumped up and whooped when I read your news. I love your joy and spunk. Only you can show some humor in this. I will set up the Hearts of Space gift tomorrow. I will have you calendar with me. Houston Mom

Kym said...

Ok yes I winced at this but a random thought did occur...how do you pee through all this? Basic I know but necessary?? xx