13 March 2009

living in gratitude 26 : being ok with uncertainty

I received a call this afternoon from Institut Marie-Curie, telling me that the source of radioactivity is too high to use!!!!

What does this mean? I asked. "That your treatment maybe post-poned by a week, maybe two. But it may happen next week also (but it's unlikely).. we are not sure as we need to do some more tests...
Can you come in at the last minute on Monday, if we get it an aok?"
Mmmmmm, I thought. This is quite hilarious ... I told them, either way is good for me and that my priority is being healed.

The head of the radiology dept rang me back tonight to explain - that this has never happened before! And that the "source" (radioactive) comes from an atomic plant in Holland and that new stuff will need to be ordered and that takes a week (at least)... She is very sorry etc... it does not put me in danger... they want the best for me (there I am thinking... cripes that sort of mistake could fry me + bye bye Nathalie...). So I assure her I AM OK WITH THE DELAY, WITH THE UNCERTAINTY - just let them do the best they can.

So off we go into the weekend, I'll prepare my stuff for Monday and see what happens... see if I get that phone call or not.

This morning I was practising meditation techniques which Sushumna was teaching me (as I will need to be quite focused during the 6 days on my back)... so maybe the break-down of the machine will give me more time to work on that aspect... who knows... all a mystery... and a
nother opportunity to surrender...
another opportunity to take it all a step at a time...

Image : the mobile above my bed made by Antonia Pesenti + Tanguy when they were still living in Paris (this was one of the earlier, hand made versions)... very talented designers with a lovely mixture of quirkiness + beauty.
I love mobiles so much as they are beautiful teachers of keeping every aspect in constant flow and balance...




Anonymous said...

As O just said, thank God/dess they found it - blimey blimey blimey xoxoxoxoox

Gianni said...

Ciao Bella, Saturday morning in Australia, reading through your blogs. You have been on my mind and in my prayers since we met at Bondi on that rainy day, before your trip to NY. Your such a positive person I wish I could be like you. I am overjoyed that things are working out for you. I wish I could be there with you. All my love (big cuddle too) sempre il vostro e baci Gianni XXXXXX

Anonymous said...

I am soo happy to read that the cosmic energy seems to be working.

Mlle La Revolution des Cache-Pots said...

Oh Nat, fantastic news that your tumor is smaller and no need for chemo, I feel so relieved and happy for you!
The love does work, ahhh blessed universe we all share!!

Very best wishes and much more love on the next steps of your journey through your medical proceedures...be brave and strong and never lose your Nat-positivity!

Sending you more universe-energy of permanent health and well-being from fresh-aired and Autumnal Tasmania, love Tara and Rainier