22 April 2009

living in gratitude 56 : the date is set

so the date is set for the hysterectomy - 4 may

photo : waiting at Institut Marie Curie for the appointment with the surgeon (talk about charasmatic human being who doesn't need to say a thing to exude confidence). I'm glad he's the one responsible for the operation which is symbolic of the beginning of my next part of my life which will be better than it's ever been.

I asked the surgeon loads of questions. It's a two hour surgery - longer than I would have thought + I'll be in hospital for 5 days + won't be able to climb my 5 flights of stairs when I get home. I told him - no morphine please - organise another form of pain relief please.

He was genuinely surprised when I told that I have been depressed after the radiotherapy. I disagreed fervently with him when he said, that post-radiotherapy was an easy process... was really surprised he was surprised.

I was really upset after the meeting - It's really difficult to the Institut Marie Curie - it really such traumatic memories for me. Felt deeply sad and exhausted all day.

text : emotional courage is where the freedom + peace lies
MY life depends ON IT

Text - this is for the rest of my life.

Text: to be afraid of your feelings ...
what a terrible way to live.

After the meeting with the surgeon, I felt like doing something that other parisiens may do (the desire to do something relatively "normal" ... something other people may do on a sunny spring day...) : sit in the spring sun on the terrace of a café in the latin quarter (Institut Marie Curie is in the neighbourhod).

It was a wonderful feeling. Two people smiled at me as they walked by. Then after 20 minutes I felt exhausted and just wanted to be at home lying down in a quiet space. So I got up and took a taxi home.

Today's meal delivery came in the afternoon from my montmartre friends : super android, 6 years old ... his mum + sister, Sidonie, 13 years old....

We ate a picnic in the park across the road, I lay down in sleeping position as the children collected spring goodies (my heart was frightfully heavy). Then I came home, slept and have been drawing all evening.

text : the deep song of rage


Mlle La Revolution des Cache-Pots said...

Darling Nat, Please watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bZfDNt2sxgo

It'll put a smile on your face, life is so beautiful and adversity is part of the human journey...don't forget to polish your battle armour and line it with sun-coloured silks...we can all be so much more than the sum of our fragile, human parts.
Gros bisous, Tara and Rainier xxxx

sylvie bélibio said...

on pense à toi et on t'embrasse très fort sylvie bélibio, toto & Co