Today's posting is a wanted adverstisement.
I want to speak to women whom have been through a hysterectomy.
So, if you, reader know of someone who has had one, and whom would like to share their story : please pass on my email nat.latham(at)gmail.com
Mmmmmmm.... I can hear some minds humming.
Reason is that my greatest fear today is the surgery of the radical hysterectomy (which I will have mid-May).
At the moment, I am going towards the surgery full of stress + fear. And I want to go to the surgery in peace, as it is the next part of my healing process. (The tumor has decreased. Now it needs to be removed. And my uterus + ovaries, which were fried during the radiation, go with the tumor. )
I know that the peace-towards-surgery I am searching for, will come to me in various manners (chi qong, drawing, general creativity, yoga, pujas, preparing-for-surgery book+cd, therapist, sleep, good food, walks in the park...) but I know another route will be that of knowledge.
The more I know/ understand, the more the fear will reduce. And I believe that sharing stories of the experience of having had a hysterectomy will help me learn + increase this knowledge.
***I was speaking to my friend Bill in Australia, who has journeyed through and cured of cancer ... Together we got the list of questions I need to ask the surgeon on Wednesday :
What should I expect on the first day after surgery, the first week + the first month? How is pain relief going to be dealt with?
Who is responsible?
How is pain relief in recovery taken care of? (The better pain relief, the better healing)
How long does the surgery take?
How long will I be in hospital?
What are the secondary effects?
What are possible complications?
How do we lessen the possibilities of these complications?
... I expressed to Bill, my fear: "I would rather walk to the Artic on my knees than have to go through this surgery..."
Bill replied "you are doing this for the rest-of-your-life ... So the cancer won't be hanging over your head... you will be cured."
Then our conversation went onto : Work out exactly what the fear is. And that is one I am still looking at, but to start with :
the answer for the moment is the text from this drawing:
I fear my body going into trauma AGAIN and SO SOON.
I feel like I am getting my body and mind STRONG AGAIN just to have it knocked down again by surgery.
I fear being cut open + having body parts extracted.
I fear complications.
I fear going under another aneasthetic (yes, another one... I already had 3 general aneasthetics in 3 weeks last month)
I fear the recovery period.
About feeling like I have been feeling AGAIN - having had the wind knocked out of me, feeling weak, depressed...
Concerned about post-operative pain.
***One THING I do feel good about, is what Bill said, "this will be the beginning of the-rest-of-your-life...
And I know THAT is going to be so much better than my life so far... so THIS WILL BE MY CARROT dangling in front... the light at the end of the tunnel.
Photo of Sylvia creating petal-snow from my favourite cherry blossom tree in the park. She cooked ratatouille for me and we sat under the tree on Friday night and ate her family recipe of ratatouille. I am collecting the recipes of getting-nat-better.