Yesterday, I was strong enough to do some stand-up postures + we both recognised that I was OK with the passive poses (whereas I had been fearful of them when I tried for the first time - when my body still traumatised after radiation treatment, even really passive yoga postures raised a load of fear.) It was lovely to see how my body has changed from traumatised to becoming feeling more "ok". And I was also very, very grateful to Louisa's guidance + to my body for healing and getting stronger.
The "day out adventure" exhausted me so much, I slept for 12 hours!
photo: a mini aquarium (with plastic fish which swim around) from my sister sent from australia... it makes me smile it is so silly.
I have been collecting women's stories of their experience of having a hysterectomy. Varied experiences. The emotional journey seems much greater than the surgery from what I have gathered so far. Thanks so much for those whom have contacted me. I'm still continuing to learn more, hear more, read more.
I could say that yesterday there was a big shift in my acceptance of the surgery. I see the surgeon tomorrow so he will be able to answer my querying mind.
tolerate it - you will go through the depths of despair.
A friend told me recently...
and it seems as if each day is filled of
E V E R Y emotion - from total gratitude and appreciation for the little water drop on a leaf or a blossom in the park, to the centered feeling in qi gong, or the kindness received in the letter I found in my letter box this morning to laugh on the phone from a "just a quick call, to check how you are going" (said in the silliest accent to make me giggle) to the sheer physical exhaustion at 11 in the morning, to deep sadness + pain after lunch, to a further sense of surrender / acceptance for a hysterectomy, then a visit from veronique for a massage, so relaxation + comfort to then go into 4pm + a sense of huge fustration of the present journey, then heavy heart of rage at 8pm tonight, to the walk across the road to again be thankful for all the beauty and the incredible setting red sun + tears released upon return...
My guess is that this process is possibly making me into a deeper, an even more loving , compassionate + fierce person... embracing every aspect of it.