27 May 2009

living in gratitude 72 : today i am perfect

I just got back from my appointment my surgeon + the news is :

He said the results are "perfect".

No cancerous cells found in the lymph nodes + nor in the cervix (radiation successful).

Here is a photo of my feet + yasmin's flip-flops in the waiting room at Institut Marie Curie. I wore a particularly bright skirt for the day as I thought, whatever the results are, it's a part of my life.

As I sat in the waiting room, I really felt that whatever the doctor says, I will continue this life journey embracing it all. And I kept telling Yasmin, "if that means having to go on with more treatment, I won't be delighted but I do accept that it may be the path I have to take. I'm not in charge. "

Yasmin's flip flops.
Waiting time at institut Marie Curie is always significant...

My surgeon (white doc's coat) + my toes while he checks out the my tummy + the scar. (photo by yasmin)

I don't believe my lucky stars.

Fortunately Yasmin was with me, because when the surgeon said "the results are perfect," I didn't hear him... I was talking about the symptons since the surgery...
Yasmin stopped me and said "he just said your results are perfect."
What? Really ? ?
"Oui, les resultats sont parfaits" he replied
You mean there is nothing, nothing, nothing???????

"Yes, no traces in the lymph nodes and nor in the cervix, the radiation worked well there."

I was and still am gob-smacked.
We went to lunch with Yasmin, her husband and their child and I had no appetite. I kept asking Yasmin "can you just repeat what he said one more time?"
"Did that really happen?"
"He DID say, it was all gone, it was perfect didn't he?"

Then as we walked back to the car, I started to have a sense of what this meant. I felt humbled + "why me? how come I get off the hook? how does that one happen?".

... Ganesh turned up today...
Yasmin's son, Louis with Ganesh at the shop window of DIWALI,
nearby Institut Marie Curie.

And now I am back home. I just want to have a rest. some zzzzz. That's a lot of emotion for one day... I still cannot quite believe what has happened... has it really? will I wake up + there be something else?

Thank you for your thoughts + prayers.

Now I can confidently ask you all to direct those prayers to others you know or don't know who are going through profoundly challenging moments.

And I am going to start to slowly integrate what this means, that I can just keep resting + getting better + remember to take EVERYTHING slowly, in its time + slowly start thinking about my second lease of life.


yabyum said...

You are thru the last battle, the war is over and as we already knew, you have won.
My ultimate warrior.
I am so happy!!!

franck said...

As they say:
Today is the 1st day of the rest of your life.

Not many people would have been able to pass through this like you did.
We are all lucky to have you as a friend.

The Polish Section.

Anonymous said...

Relieved to hear your news. Welcome back to the world of imperfect people. Big Hug.

Anonymous said...

That's fantastic!

*dances for you*


(Text)ure and (me)aning said...

Thats just

Take care,

you get to keep the mango sari of hope !

Mlle La Revolution des Cache-Pots said...

Truly, superbly, wonderful news Nat!
The pathway to your new life is strewn with lotus flowers and your future is full of light and love!

I'm so, so happy for you!
We're all in it together...life with all its joys and challenges....its been amazing to share this intense and important journey of yours.

Oceans of love and dew-coated morning cobwebs in hedgerows, from this little island,
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Tara

Kym said...

ps...love the bright skirt