living in gratitude 68 : sketchbook #10 post-op

Sketchbook # 10 was made one - three days post-surgery.
5 + 6 + 7 May 09.
Institut Marie Curie, from my bed.

text: I need to remember.
THE WORST IS BEHIND NOW.
I need to remember this.

text : That the worst is behind
is not yet,
a believable concept. NOTHING IS BELIEVABLE all that is believable is that well - each day remains believable enough to go on
SURGERY PUTS YOU IN AN ODD STATE or maybe the morphine + pain management does
But right now the only thing I believe is my belly got cut open + utereus + ovaries + lymph nodes extracted.

text: feeling feel drugged up drawing shit

text : drawing on post-operation pain management

text : why do I bother drawing?
reckon I'll go to sleep now
feeling a bit drug fucked.
NO PAIN - only when I move

text : is it really over?
I have difficulty to feel it could be
my gut has been open
+ it's hard to stand

text : I feel too sore, too crap to even think that the worst is over. Firstly there are 2 more weeks of tests to wait for
then there is recovery
recuperation
I guess
the major worst is over but I'm still taking a day at a TIME BABY

text : LIVING A DAY AT A TIME
THIS IS ALL I CAN DO


text : day 2 after surgery
- i can pee (gratitude)
- I can walk (very slowly)
(gratitude)
food: day of surgery NIL (mon)
(tues)1. NIL (day after)
Wed 2. yoghurt + apple puree
Thurs 3. macaroni

Thursday 3 after surger:
I thought I was going to have a melt down when I saw the macaroni. WHAT?????
my first meal since Sunday + it's ****ing macaroni?

text : so, Life begins here huh?

text : I am so drugged up on pain-killers,
I don't really care for much right now.

text: THERE IS NOTHING QUITE LIKE INTIMATELY MEETING
ONE'S OWN MORTALITY