I head to Institut Marie Curie today + have the surgery on 4 May - so please send the visualisation of wrapping me up in a blanket of white light when you think of me.
This visualisation comes from the book preparations I have been following in "PREPARING FOR SURGERY" by Peggy Huddleston. It worked wonders on my last three operations I had in March.
These photos are from the park across my appartment.
This blossom has a pink tinge but due to the light, it came out white - looks like snow. My 4 year old nephew Johannes would like this picture. (He sent me some beautiful drawings this week - my favourite gift!)
I had a strong sense that I didn't have a choice in going for the surgery... it was a part of my struggle over the last 10 days. Now I see there is a choice - it's one between cancer and life (which is about LIVING the rest of my life as a fulfilled and healthy person).
text : There is a choice : I choose EITHER the cancer (+ have no hysterectomy) or I CHOOSE LIFE (+ have the hysterectomy).
this has been about my struggle to go through with the surgery (which I have been resisting day in- day out) ... as I saw the hysterectomy as going through early menopause, a non-choice of having my own children (although my ovaries were destroyed in the radiation which mean that both menopause commenced / the option of having a child ended during the radiation...).
and now, as I see it's the surgery that or the cancer... well I definately choose the surgery.
I was stumped. I had no idea how to answer. I thought of how this cancer has been a lesson, and described how it has deepened my vision and feelings of LIFE, of illness, of old age, of one's own mortality, of compassion towards others who go through deep grief... And then when I saw this image in a smaller version on my computer screen it read 'the choice between anger + life'... I thought.... oh yes... this cancer has been so much about my unexpressed anger/ rage I've been carrying around squeezed tight in a part of me.the toxicity.
gifts - each day this week! here is a box from Margaret in Brisbane.