24 February 2009

living 12

Bit by bit settling into my appartment, it's so good to be in my own space... and my own bed...

A lot of my stuff is in Australia (practical things like papers, keys, cards, plugs + hard drives+ all my cameras) as I had packed my bag for a 5 day visit to NY... so sort of funny not to be with my usual essentials.

Today I tested myself and took a 10 minute walk with a friend to the organic store to get vegies + fruit for my daily juice blending. As I was half way through the store, I thought "this feels like enough". I had reached saturation point physically and knew I still had to pay and walk all the way home. My body started to ache so I knew I just had to sit in the café opposite the store and wait, which is what we did. Got back to the appartment (5 floor walk up) and really enjoyed lying on my bed! So now I know that I really need to be careful in what I do. AND REST.

The wonderful phone call came in from New York this afternoon with the references of the doctor whom will be taking care of me. The appointment is next Monday. I have been told he's the best Doctor in the world, and in my world, he is the best. I see him next Monday.

It is rather amusing. Last Wednesday morning the specialist told me that I had to have chemeo. I cried in the lift with Clare (whom had accompanied me) saying that I SO didn't want to have to go through chemo... The office was opposite central park, and I remember feeling so miserable as I looked at the trees in the park, (that park usually makes me feel so happy).

And today, I am surprised with myself, I now really want the treatment to go ahead, I want to go through the chemeo, post chemeo and continue those steps to getting better. The psycho-oncologist explained that cancer is a toxin, and as that leaves my body, the toxic attitudes and relationships I have adopted in life, will also leave. I like that.

On a practical level, am organising dates for friends/ family to come to stay for short periods (cook meals, take care, tell me silly stories). Yesterday, Annie last night delivered soup + other yummy goodies. Carolyn dropped off her blender so I can blend juices...I'm starting to ask for exactly what I need.

om namo narayani

photo : Kandiabbam, 2 years old - I photographed her at the AROGYA Heart Foundation programme last November.

Every year, the programme involves than 300 children whom receive heart surgery from the major hospitals in the Tamil Nadu area.

Kandiabbam would have received her heart surgery around the end of last December (this operation saves the child's life + is far too expensive for the families to afford - approx US$3000).
These children had a profound effect on me and the impact the operation has on the children and families is remarkable.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dear Nat,

I send you my strength, my body, my few resources and I want to accompany you physically as well as mentally. Your art gives such joy. Helen